I've become testy with a few people lately -- primarily people who don't use their turn signals or drive 45 in the parking lot of the grocery store. And pedestrians who, despite almost getting creamed while walking across the street, refuse to put down their cell phones and pay attention to what's going on around them. Not to mention customer service representatives who behave as if I'm interrupting their busy day by asking a question. Small children whose runny noses make me suspect Bubonic plague. Teenagers with their underwear hiked up to their waist and their pants down around their knees. People who dawdle too longin front of the canned tomatoes... You know, the usual suspects.
But here's the thing: I'm not usually easily annoyed. Most of the time, I just repeat "It is what it is" over and over until any irritability passes. Or I make up story lines for sitcoms.
Exterior: A grocery store parking lot -- Day
A small gold Kia with a missing passenger door hurtles past, doing at least 40. A pedestrian screams and shakes her fish (this was supposed to be "fist," but I prefer "fish."). A man in an SUV screeches to a halt.
The Kia hits the brakes and comes to a halt in front of liquor store next door to the grocery chain. Suddenly a meteor the size of a pencil eraser slams to earth, landing smack dab on the hood of the tiny clown car. The Kia goes up in flames.
The liquor store cashier, watching everything through the front window, opens up a new bottle of tequila, takes a few swigs and smiles from ear to ear.
Liquor Store Cashier: Well, boss, I told you your idiot driving was going to kill you some day. it looks like the store's all mine now!
********
This is a much better use of my energy than fuming over things over which I have no control.
But lately, things have taken a turn for the worse. So I decided to do a little research and figure out why. I investigated the hypothesis that I'm on edge about something else and am forced to take it out on strangers making idiotic life choices. Nope, things are fine at home. Then there's the possibility that I have a brain tumor that is causing major changes in my behavior. That would be House's theory, but I don't have a whiteboard to test it on, so I'll jettison that idea.
Hmm.... what other reason could a menopausal woman suddenly become quick-tempered and easily annoyed? I know there must be something. It's on the tip of my brain... starts with a "hor"... Ah, yes, hormones!
Once I'd pinned down the possible culprit, I started to investigate more thoroughly. I'm on the estrogen patch, which I must replace every three days (assuming I remember and can find where I put the last one). On Day 1, I'm just fine. Birds are singing, skies are blue, morons are just a fact of life. Day 2, however, I find myself gritting my teeth a little. The birds are singing all right, but too often it is too early and not very much in tune. The blue skies are a little too blue if you ask me. And morons, well, they seem to be everywhere. But still, I don't feel the need to give them the evil eye, or worse, tailgate them all the way home and then give them a lecture about safe driving and often, a more appropriate style of dress. Day 3, however, all bets are off. I should definitely not be allowed to operate heavy machinery or fondle cutlery. In fact, I probably shouldn't leave the house. What I should do is just find that bottle of tequila and cocoon until it's time to put on a new patch.
Ah, yes. Look at that -- nothing but blue skies do I see.
