It's Not How You Age, It's Where

I'm convinced that I have picked one of the best places in the U.S. to be an aging woman. My selection system may differ slightly from the ones used by people whose job it is to decide where it's best to be single, raise a family, retire, or just annoy your neighbors. I didn't factor in the number of hospitals nearby (2), continuing education opportunities (lots), or weather (mildew with a 40% chance of moss outbreak). But I did take into consideration the important stuff.

1.  Comfortable shoes. There are places in the U.S. where women over 50 still feel compelled to wear heels on occasion. What are they, on drugs? They must be, given the amount of pain I experience every time I attempt to shove my foot into any shoe narrower than my foot (whose idea was that anyway?), especially when that shoe tries to make me walk on my tiptoes. I don't want to tiptoe. I want to walk, dammit. And as much as I love Oprah, I don't need stilettos to look sexy sitting down in.  What I need are shoes I can jog down the street in if a sudden shower erupts or there's a stray dog who needs saving. In Eugene, OR, it is not at all unusual to see women of all ages decked out for the opera or ballet in a nice cocktail dress and Birkenstocks. Or, my favorites, Dansko. Believe me, we can get where we're going without complaining about our aching feet.

2. Weird hairstyles. You can dye it or you can pluck out the strays (until the strays are all you have left, then you should stop), but chances are your hair is grayer and kinkier than it used to be. In places like Los Angeles and New York, trendy hair is important. In my little neck of the woods, dreadlocks are still considered a valid hair choice. It's almost impossible to find the wiry sprouts when you look like your hair's been mixed in a blender full of honey and mud. And if dreads are too kinky for you, you can wear a funny hat and call yourself a goddess. Believe me, no one in this town will notice.

3. Tattoos. Sure they're trendy for all age groups, but what more convenient way to remember your ATM password than having it tatooed on your upper thigh?

4. Tie dye. If you don't already know, Eugene is where tie dye went to die, but it got stoned and forgot. Tie dye is the ultimate anti-aging pattern. It draws people into to its vortex of turquoise and blue and yellow, thus effectively distracting them from your crows' feet and double chins. "I'm sorry officer, I couldn't really focus on her face. She could have been 20, but she could have been 70. She could have been a he. There may have been a mustache. Although that doesn't mean it wasn't a woman." Tie dye also hides a multitude of sins -- muffin top, beer belly, mid-menopausal pregnancy because you accidentally took two gingko pills and no birth control...

5. Aging hippies. I was not one of the original hippie chicks, so my boobs were harnessed by a bra throughout the 70s (they arrived fashionably late), 80s, 90s, oh-ohs, etc. Thus, I haven't experienced the continental drift many of the free-spirited and free-boobied women living here have. There are a lot of breasts gone south and by comparison, mine look young and perky. Especially in tie dye.

I knew I was gonna love this town when I moved here sixteen years ago. I just didn't know why until now.

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[ms_mish]

For someone who falls of her sensible shoes and could never contemplate wearing heels for anyone. I get the concept of finding somewhere to grow old gracefully without the expectation to conform or be trendy. Where being yourself is the major one requirement for being accepted and nobody cares if you are having a bad hair day.

[Curtis Mchale]

Well, I don't look old because my hair looks neat, thanks to the wonderful local hair salons here in Santa Monica! LOL I'll try wearing tie dyed shirts to look younger too - although many old people who are living here are pretty much wearing the same thing already hahaha.